DJ Squonk’s Soundboard

From cryptid calls to broadcast bumpers, level up your madcap Michigan Dogman mystery-solving with a host of honks, Squonks, sirens (manmade), sirens (mythical), slide whistles, theremins, and more!

All music and sound effects by Jo Vasinda.

Bumpers

Sound Effects

Bigfoot’s Bonus Encounter Prompts

Location of Sighting

Staring at you from a bank of TVs in your local big-box store. As you pass, it moves from TV to TV to follow.
Behind the dumpster at your favorite local coffee shop.
Your smart doorbell caught the sighting; you’re pretty sure cryptids are delivering for a very large online retailer now.
What’s up everybody, welcome back to my channel. Its ya boy, Mr. Beast (literal).
In the dunes beyond your camp at Burning Man.
Gazing intently at you from the branches of the tree outside your bedroom window.
The least used scene room of your local dungeon.
An empty aisle of a hobby shop.
The backseat of Ify Nwadiwe’s Subaru Outback
The stickiest convention center bathroom.

Effect on the Caller

You’d be frustrated about the constantly weeping blood, but luckily the stains have started coming out right away in the wash.
Your body hair has turned thick and spiky and your friends won’t stop calling you Hedgehog.
You’ve decided to run for congress to make the country a better place for all citizens, cryptid and human alike.
Ever since then, your spam folder has been mysteriously empty.
Have you ever had a computer blue screen of death right before an important project? It’s been like that, but only when you directly try to tell people what happened.
You feel slightly empty, yet motivated to write a memoir.
Relieved. You never fit in with your family. This is obviously your real parent..
You shit yourself. This is embarrassing.
You feel like you’ve finally lost your marbles. This isn’t real and nothing else is.
Hungry, this cryptid looks like a new meat that’s on the menu. If you’re vegan, you’re not any more.

Physical Description

It was like a spider - or at least, that's how it seemed, at first - one of those fat ones that spin giant webs across your porch - but then it - not the spider, its web - began to move, long silvery strands curling, crawling, gaining speed…
Just kind of a little guy
It looked exactly like your third-grade gym teacher, but if your third grade gym teacher was seven and a half feet tall and also green.
The spitting image of Clint McElroy
On first glance, he just seemed like maybe he was an aging rock star, a motorcycle club member, maybe one of those competitive mustache and beard enthusiasts. It wasn’t until you saw seven tiny sets of eyes and hands reach out from behind the beard did you think something was a bit off.
An old-timey diving suit, seemingly animated by unseen forces. A rich béchamel sauce leaks from the seams.
A walking urn filled with the ashes of your worst uncle that speaks like your favorite aunt.
A French coelaphid smoking a cigarette.
A giant cell phone that repeats every down bad text you’ve ever sent
Bigfoot, but he’s dressed exactly like you.

Cryptid’s Reaction

You didn’t expect the cryptid to take a seat next to you, but when it started discussing its relationship to its mother and the pressure it’s getting from its boss, you realized that even cryptids need to unpack their feelings sometimes.
It just started flossing (the dance or the dental care, it’s open to interpretation), but with direct and meaningful eye contact.
You really, really didn’t expect the Naruto run, especially with so many extra legs.
It might have been a mysterious cryptid item in their pocket but they did seem preeeeetty happy to see you
It was like going to one of those relaxing sound baths except the sounds were screams and gurgles
A sheepish wave as it slowly backs away.
It does complex hand signs and disappears in a puff of smoke.
It starts talking to you, but it has your voice. Noticing this, it freaks out.
It tries to roar but gets caught in a coughing fit.
Beckons you forward and uses its finger to draw the “cool s” in the dirt.

You’re trying to eat your lunch while dealing with the Caller. Unfortunately, that requires vomiting digestive enzymes on your food to liquify it.
Has a bad head cold, definitely took the non-drowsy meds…maybe.
Accidentally added a voice modulator/autotune, can’t figure out how to turn it off.
Spy, who is using the broadcast to get a coded message across.
Your spouse is trying to serve you divorce papers during the broadcast.
Multitasking at your second job as being several parts of a Rube Goldberg device.
You, seconds ago, somehow switched bodies with famous German documentary filmmaker Werner Herzog.
Trying to sell the Caller on a timeshare.
You’re a hard-boiled detective with a heart of gold. Questions for the Caller always end with a final “say, one more thing…” before your final query. You’re never seen without your beige trenchcoat.
This year’s inaugural Bring Your Neighborhood Feral Cat To Work Day is proving to also be its last.

Dover Demon’s Detail Den

Host Traits

You’re definitely not trying to lure the Host to a secluded location to brainwash them into joining your cult.
It’s slowly dawning on you that you’re not, in fact, a human, but instead a colony of flies that has gained mass sentience.
Trying reaaaaaally hard to get your new catchphrase into the zeitgeist
Spy, who is using the broadcast to get a coded message across.
Making a lot of extremely niche, hyper regional references that the Host does not understand
You, seconds ago, somehow switched bodies with famous German documentary filmmaker Werner Herzog.
You’re actually the cryptid’s PR manager, trying to engineer a scandal to build hype.
You’re a doll who one day came to life, but you have no idea why and, terrifyingly, don’t know what the conditions are for your return to insentience.
Constantly apologizing for monopolizing the conversation.
It’s very important that you make it clear to the Host that you did NOT summon this cryptid. This was absolutely not due to an attempted love spell that went disastrously wrong.

Caller Traits

Professional, high-stakes Zoom call.
Lobby of an online multiplayer game.
Discord Voice Chat with other people constantly leaving, joining, and cross-chattering.
Two Chatroulette users.
The conversation is being held via seance.
Comedy club. The Host is a stand-up comedian, attempting to do crowdwork with the Caller.
Caller is a long-haul trucker and Host is dispatch for the freight company. Conversation is being held over CB radio.